Sarah Alexander

"Since her twin brother, Eddie, drowned five years ago, sixteen-year-old Elsie Main has tried to remember what really happened that fateful day on the beach. When cute, mysterious Tay introduces Elsie to the world of freediving, she vows to find the answers she seeks at the bottom of the sea." -- Provided by publisher.

The night before the birth of his first child, Steve is visited by an old friend. Or possibly an old maths teacher…Meanwhile, someone is trying to get into Jane's flat, and an extraordinary secret is lurking inside the cupboard of Patrick's love.

Late at night and a phone call that Will Not Die. You know how sometimes you can't get someone off the phone? There are too many people in this phone call. And one of them isn't really there. Meanwhile, Susan is worried she's turning into an emotional tent; she and Steve are now well and truly an item – so why is he dreaming about being executed by a method Never Before Seen on British Television - and chased by a foetus with an axe?

It's time to start attending antenatal classes. Susan need a back-up birth partner, Steve is haunted by the ghost of spanking lesbians past and Sally is seeking the solace of a string quartet. Meanwhile, Jane is trying to find a way to out-keen Oliver.

Jeff is in the cramped store cupboard searching the shelves. His new boss Julia enters. He's struck by her amazing 'top of the range' eyes and the fact that she is 'covered in breasts.' Meanwhile Julia tells Susan she's met someone 'edible' at the office. But is it ever acceptable to kiss someone really junior at work? And was there really detectable NAT between them? (NAT: Noise Avoidance Tilting - the first signpost on the road to intimate squelching.)...

Sally is lonely, unhappy and unfulfilled. And then she goes and spoils it all. Susan has been redecorating the bathroom, only she's removed the lock from the bathroom door and declutching is now out of the question for Steve.

The boys are sitting in the bar looking at a beautiful girl with the casual lust of no-hopers. When she glances at Jeff, the others encourage him to go and talk to her. A man on his way to an execution, Jeff plods off in the direction of the bar. Before long he's babbling away — but she seems to understand nothing. The girl is from Israel — she hasn't understood a word. The next day the girls watch the same beautiful girl in the bar. Suddenly...

Steve and Susan have been together for a year. And in the field of human relationships, what is the most frightening thing that can come through your door? A wedding invitation! At the breakfast table Susan is harassed and absorbed in her work. Tonight is the first anniversary of their first date, and there it is, the putting-thoughts-in-your-long- term-girlfriend's-head bomb, ticking away right in Steve's hand.

Patrick is sporting a new — and very gay — haircut. Steve is appalled to find that Susan is recording something on the VCR. In an advanced state of shock and horror, he remains uncertain as to whether she's spotted his porno tape — Lesbian Spank Inferno. Jane is astonished to hear that Steve told Susan he loved her, something he failed to say to her throughout the five years of their relationship...

Steve seems incapable of making any decisions, and Susan is beginning to despair. When her new French client starts picking holes in her work over the phone, she tears her off a strip - in fluent French. Richard, a pleasant looking guy of the same age, grins oafishly at her - he really likes French women. "But I bet you've got a boyfriend", he says. Susan hesitates. "Oui" she replies. A guilty Steve finds himself exchanging phone numbers with an attractive...